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This is just too beautiful for me to consign it to the oubliette of the Comments section. Mr. David Loiterstein, Marketing Director of the Readex Corporation (“Scavenging and Scanning All Kinds of Crazy Crap Since 1940 Or Thereabouts”), has thoughtfully forwarded this hallucinatory list of mince pie-related headlines culled from Readex’s American Historical Newspapers archive. I think these go a long way toward demonstrating that mince pie once held a central place in American thought, culture and cuisine. But at some point in the 20th-century (around WWII, or Eisenhower’s first term at the very latest), its glory was usurped by that pallid pretender, the apple pie. Since then, mass amnesia has erased our collective consciousness of the entire switcheroo. I’m still working out the deeper meaning of this vast cultural shift. Maybe I’ll know more after I test out some of those mince pie recipes. Now here’s David with the headlines:

Mince pie is no baseless fabric of a dream

Mince Pie as a Means to Wealth

Shot Wife In A Dream: Mince Pie Responsible for a Near Tragedy in Chicago

Mince Pie for President: Monster is Three Inches Deep and Weighs Fifty Pounds

Effect the Eating of Mince Pie Has upon Clergymen

Mince Pie as an Object Lesson

Jail Breaking Tools in a Mince Pie

Died from Eating Mince Pie

A Big Appetite. What a Girl Devoured in a Mince Pie

Mince Pie Alarm Clocks.

Mince Pie Made Her Mad.

Bear Sawed the Logs. Strange Tale of a Woodsman and the Effects of Mince Pie

Mince Pie Cocktails

Dun is “Seeing Things”. Too Much Mince Pie Causes Wild Dreams of Future Business Conditions

The Mince Pie Was Stolen. Police Board of Inquiry Unable to Proceed Because of the Absence of the Chief Exhibit

Poor Mince Pie Cause of Divorce

Mince Pie Dope: Pastry for Prisoner Contained Opium Lay Out

Didn’t Steal Mince Pie: Girl Is Given Emetic by Father to Disprove Accusation

Mince Pie Causes Crime More Dangerous than Liquor, a House Committee Hears,

Mince Pie is Wrecking New England People

No Mince Pie for Girls at Mount Holyoke: Students Also Will Find Apple Dumpling off Menu

Hippo Ate a mince Pie. But Bill Snyder, the Keeper, Said the Confection Was Wasted on Miss Murphy

License to Sell Mince Pie

Poets Sing Praise of Dainty Mince Pie

Sex of Mince Pie Must be Decided by State

Runner Trains on Mince Pie to Win Marathon Race

Who Wouldn’t Dream? Jailer Eats Pigs and Mince Pie: Starts Shooting

Like Mince Pie? It’s Given O. K. Goulash Also Escapes U. S. Restrictions

Expect Mince-Pie Jags to Acquire Popularity

Timely Topics: The Mince Pie Of The Future

Inspired by Mince Pie. South Dakota Young Woman Explains Why She Wrote a Poem

Corned Beef Killing Us! and Mince Pie Also Menaces American Civilization Tridon Says

Brave Battle for Freedom of Mince Pie

Love and Mince Pie at 95

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