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preserve by smokepreserve by smoke2Chicago Tribune, February 9, 1896. Brining in saltpeter? Lame!  He’d have gotten superior results with a rub made of sage, paprika, garlic powder and dry mustard.preserve by smoke3

They’d save more money still if only they adopted Professor Petri’s Amazing Odorless Poo Briquets® as a fuel source. “They’re the shit!”™

preserve by smoke4preserve by smokefix

“Disconsolate” because he couldn’t smoke a dead wino? Guy seems a little high-strung for a man of science–a Colin Clive type I guess. Creative sort.

smokefix

“No one but the doctor knows just what condition the cadaver was in when the smoke-house was opened, and he won’t tell” –riveting opening sentence for a Frank G. Slaughter-style novel about a selfless but tortured scientist questing to perfect a technique for barbecuing  dead winos.

smoke7preserve by smoke8So not just winos but, um, visiting Bedouins requiring posthumous repatriation?

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2 Comments

  1. “They’d save more money still if only they adopted Professor Petri’s Amazing Odorless Poo Briquets as a fuel source. ‘They’re the shit!’”

    That must be why they never caught on in their day – they lacked the advertising genius of that slogan.

    Also, I liked the part about the test sausages being “sweet and eatable” when cut open. It kind of implies he was hoping to achieve the same results with the human cadavers.

    • “That must be why they never caught on in their day – they lacked the advertising genius of that slogan.”

      Yeah: the fools instead went with “They’re excrementitious!”

      “Also, I liked the part about the test sausages being “sweet and eatable” when cut open. It kind of implies he was hoping to achieve the same results with the human cadavers.”

      Whoever wrote this was definitely having some fun with the cannibal gross-out humor.


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  1. […] Tribune, April 23, 1899. For a while there I was considering having my earthly remains hung up to season in a smokehouse, but now I’m think I’m leaning toward this anti-cryogenic scheme proposed by the […]

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