I could have been a provender

Minneapolis Journal, November 3, 1900. Living the gourd life isn’t always easy. It’s interesting to see that somebody was hip as early as 1900 to the profligacy of Halloween visa vis the pumpkin, that most noble and delectable squash. Things have of course gotten much worse since 1900: Your average supermarket pumpkin nowadays wasn’t even bred for edibility but for size, sturdiness of stem and bright orange color. All kinds of superior varieties have lost or all but lost to the hegemony of the jack o’lantern.

Loco vore

Washington Post, August 17, 1929. Rehearsing for his act and doing a little advance publicity work too, I’ll warrant. If I’d been this guy’s counsel, I’d have thrown Leviticus 11:22 in the judge’s face: “Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind, and the bald locust after his kind, and the beetle after his kind, and the grasshopper after his kind.”
I’ve been delving into the circus wild man theme lately on a account of I just finished reading William Lindsay Gresham’s Nightmare Alley, which I heartily recommend though not to the timid. Sixty-four years after publication, it’s still a seriously disturbing toilet-crawl. Makes Jim Thompson look like Beatrix Potter.

Wild at heart

Washington Post, July 6, 1890. I gave my mini-lecture on Wild Women last night at the Talent Show. The show was a hoot from start to finish, my talk seemed to go over well, and I met some really fun and interesting people. Made me feel like I should work all of this Wild Woman material up into some kind of structured and publishable Thing eventually, as the intelligent laity does seem to find the topic interesting.
The illuminating angle to this entry in the Wild Woman sweepstakes is the admission that such a story could have been woven from whole cloth just to sell newspapers and otherwise contribute to the gaiety of nations.

But note that this description of the Wild Girl of Catahoula is relatively weak tea, and doesn’t have anywhere near as intense a lusus naturae vibe as our previous recorded sighting.

Spare the garrote and spoil the child

Kansas City Star, April 29, 1908. Sacrificing children isn’t just for Satanists, don’t you know.
Hmm, not a lot of clues as the exact denomination here, but I’m guessing they weren’t high Anglicans.
God can’t get up off the couch and smite his own five-year-old girls? For that matter, couldn’t he provide his servant Bachman with a first name?
“The Smiths and Bachman” has an odd ring to it, considered from a rock angle. No good could have possibly come from such an unholy combination.
Again, frustrating vagueness as to the doctrines and origins of “this new religion.”

Oog. Dating Oom the Omnipotent doesn’t look like such a bad choice all of a sudden.
Atta boy, Bachman: keep punchin’! No looking back!

The data is dada

Here are the results if the latest poll concerning some stuff. Results seem plausible to me.

Chomping at the bite

Vermont Phoenix, April 27, 1838. Yeah, I’d say that horse was blooded but good.

Fait divers

Macon Telegraph, June 17, 1889. Can you believe it? We’re talking here about an average sororal poundage of 175. And yet, this is a mere bagatelle in relation to some of the ensuing prodigies. For example:

Yippie Ki-Yay

Springfield Republican , November 17, 1895. Said to labor under the hallucination that he is a vampire?! The first time I read that, I thought, ‘Who the hell has the nerve to question this guy’s monster credentials?’ But it’s true that he lacks the suavity of your classic, card-carrying 19th-century vampire type. Diet and behavior-wise, he could almost be a chupacabra foraging outside of its regular habitat, but those are reputed to be ugly suckers that wouldn’t long pass for human even in South Dakota.

Chillin’ and illin’

Washington Post, May 16, 1880. You don’t even want to think about the physiological costs of cold water on a gutfull of mince pie.

Laughter and beauty

Chicago Tribune, October 24, 1936.