Current events

Baltimore Sun, December 10, 1889. Before the vampire auto, there was vampire electricity.

Yippie Ki-Yay

Springfield Republican , November 17, 1895. Said to labor under the hallucination that he is a vampire?! The first time I read that, I thought, ‘Who the hell has the nerve to question this guy’s monster credentials?’ But it’s true that he lacks the suavity of your classic, card-carrying 19th-century vampire type. Diet and behavior-wise, he could almost be a chupacabra foraging outside of its regular habitat, but those are reputed to be ugly suckers that wouldn’t long pass for human even in South Dakota.

Cartoonists are the unacknowledged legislators of the world

Chicago Tribune, October 24 and 25, 1911. This pairing is sort of the antithesis of a previous interaction we’ve seen between cartoonist John T. McCutcheon and the trial system. I love this guy’s work. Editorial cartoons ain’t half of what they used to be.

Heels on wheels

Chicago Tribune, August 7, 1921. An interesting question is raised: What is the proper amount to tip a child after you’ve run him over with your car?

¿Verdad?

San Francisco Chronicle, August 22, 1890. Here’s something we’ve not seen before: “vampire” used to refer to, well, a vampire.
A skeptic might have trouble accepting this tale at face value. The objection might be raised that a tiny li’l ol’ bat couldn’t possibly imbibe a sufficient volume of blood to kill an adult human. But this conservation-of-matter problem goes away if we posit that the vampire drained her dry while still in humanoid form, then turned into a bat and got stuck in her hair. Question then is: why didn’t he or she shift shapes again to get unstuck? Well, how the hell should I know? Do I have to do all of the ratiocination around here?

“Have we a vampire among us?”

Chicago Tribune, July 19, 1860. Chicago is currently weathering a really revolting cemetery scandal. Sadly, shenanigans like these are as old as commercialized undertaking.

A fool there was

Chicago Tribune, January 18, 1921. Well, this scenario isn’t exactly as described in Mr. Kipling’s famous poem “The Vampire,” but the basic message is the same: Men are boobs, see?

Vampires Among Us 2:The Blathering

Chicago Tribune, November 14, 1909. Actress Katherine Kaelred (left) starred in the Broadway version of the hit play A Fool There Was, based on  Rudyard Kipling’s  famously anti-uxorious poem Bitches Ain’t Shit of the same name. But in the Hollywood film version, the role of The Vamp went (as previously noted) to Theda Bara (right). More of Kaelred’s musings on the state of domestic vampirism after the jump.

Vampires among us

Chicago Tribune, April 22, 1922. So: one out of 19 Chicago drivers is a vampire. I find this statistic wholly credible, even today.

I can has your soul?

Chicago Tribune, July 2, 1876. Before there were vampire autos, vampire cats were seen as a major problem.