Upper crust II

Grand Forks Daily Herald, November 28, 1909. I think we’ve tracked down President Taft’s missing mince mega-pie.

“First, make sure he’s dead”

Grand Forks Herald, November 28, 1909. Story anticipates what one researcher has identified as the world’s funniest joke.

Upper crust

Los Angeles Herald, December 25, 1909. Ambiguous headline there: Could be taken to denote an unusual national security threat, or maybe a groundswell of popular support for an even stranger candidate.
Taft, of course, was the Fat President and had a sterling rep as a trencherman, so I reckon the gift was pretty well tailored to its recipient. I must look into the matter of this previous pie that went MIA at Thanksgiving.

Head of the Class II

Daily Alta California, March 29, 1891. Yet another zany med student, doing how they do. The joke just never got old.

It is what it is

The Perry Republican, February 7, 1918. Even now I am assimilating a couple of slices of mince pie, and dainty is not a word that comes to mind. Though this batch I made with dry sherry rather than brandy, and it does yield a somewhat less fierce comestible.

“A sacred and cherished American institution”

San Francisco Call, December 20, 1908. As of a couple of weeks ago I have a literary agent, and she has me working on a book proposal for definitive study of mince pie in America. I will confess, there are moments when I say to myself “An entire book on mince pie? That’s insane!” Then I run across an item like this and I think instead, “A book on mince pie: It’s what this country needs if there is to be any hope for its future!”

The human souls of engineers

As a semi-lapsed academic, I’ve been really disappointed in the way accused spree killer Dr. Amy Bishop, PhD, got dropped down the mass media’s memory hole after the initial flurry of excitement over her alleged rampage last February. (Do you have to be a broken-down football player to stay in the homicidal spotlight? What a sad comment on American anti-intellectualism.) Read more.

Poppies for puppies

Macon Telegraph, August 26, 1911. Let’s take a break from sorrow and tragedy and share a moment of mirth with cartoonist H.B. Martin’s beloved cartoon protagonist, Mr. Inbad, and his dog Ajax. Scoring opium to rub on a sick dog’s back—there’s a situation I think we can all relate to! Read more.

Clerical error

Columbus Inquirer, September 24, 1908. “Possessed of unlimited resources for the gratification of his pleasure”—hot dog! This is another item ripe for adaptation for a handlebar-mustache version of Law & Order. The episode would cold-open with an Italian balloon vendor stepping into the bushes to relieve himself and tripping over the murdered monsignor, natch. Read more.

Why Prohibition seemed like a good idea at the time

Macon Weekly Telegraph and Messenger, October 3, 1884. “Nothing intelligent could be obtained” from him, huh? I wonder what sort of witty palaver were they expecting from Michael Shay.

When I find a local atrocity like this and an address is given, I look up the location of Google Maps just to see what the lay of the land is now. 409 Clark would seem be a construction site at the moment. Does the bad mojo from an event like this dissipate when the building it took place in is destroyed, or does it linger out of doors a while and then roll forward into the new premises?